5 Truths Your Neighbor Will Never Learn

1. Yes, you do dance around in your underwear. But the shades are blocked, so the poor neighbor will never get an eyeful.

2. That rumbling trash bin on wheels? It’s really too big for the amount of waste you generate. You just like the noise it makes at six a.m.

3. He suspects your dog crosses into his yard to poop, but he’s wrong. It was your feral child.

4. You secretly covet his vanity mailbox but haven’t the guts to swipe it and pretend you’ve had it for years.

5. As much as you wish he would move, you’re afraid the new one will be worse.

 

PS. I used an online phrase generator to create the clickbait title. I could use more traffic to convince publishers to send me free books for review.

P.S.S. The original title was 15, not 5. However, my neighbor is apathetic.

Advertisements

Home Improvement 2017

The kitchen backsplash was replaced yesterday, so there’s no gap between the countertop and the tile. Long-time readers may recall that the original backsplash was discolored wallpaper.

Now the tiles will match the counter and cupboards, although I lost my hand painted fruit tiles.

The project wasn’t without glitches. Because there are no bullnose tiles, the tiler attempted to finish the edges near the window with some fancy cutting. It would have looked great if the window were centered and outlets didn’t force him to cut away at odd angles.

Instead, the tile looked uniformly wonderful at both ends and turned into a jigsaw puzzle in the middle. I contacted the business owner and she agreed that running the tiles to the edge will look better. I’ll have to paint the edges when I repaint the windowsill and recess.

The master bath is in progress.  The broken tile, chipped sink, and rusty bathtub were eyesores.  (Not to mention baths became impossible when the switch to stop up the bath got stuck last year.) So it was an exciting project.

On Tuesday it became even more exciting because La Casa de Tontería (aka The House of Nonsense) was built by the infamous Jerkface MacGuyver.

I’ll keep you posted. (Literally.)

Readin’, Writin’, and Recuperatin’

I’m happy to report that The Old Man aka my father came through the operation with flying colors. And I seem to be well, too.

“Seem” being the main verb.

March 2017 will go down in local history as the Month of Pestilence. My colleagues at The Young Human Factory were dropping like flies, succumbing to every virus and bacteria our young humans brought us. When the rascals weren’t incubating more diseases, they were raising pets like lice and Scarcoptes scabiei.

Continue reading

Dealing with the Budgetary Crisis

No, not Congress. La crisis presupuestaria de la Casa de Tontería. To non-Spanish speakers: Need mo’ money in da House o’ Nonsense, eh? (I added the last word so Canadian and Yooper readers would understand.)

Last week, I got one bid (and another pending) to replace the driveway and the walk. The previous neighbors had trees growing right at the edge of the drive, which heaved the concrete. The husband was reluctant to cut them down until I pointed out that they would undermine his own house’s foundation.

Since they left and the bank sold the house, the decaying roots caused the cement to tip sideways, creating a dam where the downspouts pour out.  The summer has been very dry, but marked by torrential storms that made a shallow pool between our houses. Not only was the tar-like sealant washing away, but air bubbled up when even a child on a bike crossed the drive.

The walkway problem is typical for the builder, known affectionately as Jerkface MacGuyver.  Because the backfill around the foundation wasn’t properly tamped, the soil has compacted and the concrete tipped. Now the sidewalk leading to the front step tilts toward the house. As with the driveway, it pours water toward the foundation.

I had money set aside for the Garage Plan (a three-year project so well-thought out and  thus far so well-executed, government project planners would weep over their relative incompetence. Not that I’m bragging. I’m merely stating the facts with a sneer.).  Since I envisioned a new driveway leading to the garage, I felt comfortable using funds for this masonry project. I still have time to add to the Garage Fund.

Or so I thought. Continue reading

2016 DIY Writer’s Summer Camp

Monday marked the first day of summer, which serendipitously was the first day of summer vacation  (which I spent most of it at work with colleagues moving books & furniture, naturally!) Yesterday was an unwinding day, so today – TODAY! – is the first day of my DIY Writer’s Summer Camp.

For those of you who want to join in, here’s what I’m doing this week:

  • Reading  The Productive Writer by Sage Cohen for help organizing time and space. No, not SPACE the final frontier – my desk and filing spaces will suffice.
  • Working on my boy-meets-robot novel. Happily, I discovered back-up copies of some lost files, including a character I’d excised who solves problems I’ve been having with making the narrator more likeable.
  • Studying Orson Scott Card’s Ender’s Game for structure; e.g. chapter length and plot points.