1. Yes, you do dance around in your underwear. But the shades are blocked, so the poor neighbor will never get an eyeful.
2. That rumbling trash bin on wheels? It’s really too big for the amount of waste you generate. You just like the noise it makes at six a.m.
3. He suspects your dog crosses into his yard to poop, but he’s wrong. It was your feral child.
4. You secretly covet his vanity mailbox but haven’t the guts to swipe it and pretend you’ve had it for years.
5. As much as you wish he would move, you’re afraid the new one will be worse.
PS. I used an online phrase generator to create the clickbait title. I could use more traffic to convince publishers to send me free books for review.
P.S.S. The original title was 15, not 5. However, my neighbor is apathetic.
The furniture is moved and the floors are washed. The tree is up but not yet trimmed. The two silk Flores de Noche Buena aka Poinsettias are in the bedrooms. And bits of pine tree and cones are placed in various places so that their scent makes up for the tree fakery. Continue reading
La Casa de Tontería will celebrate its 20th birthday this summer (I’m the third or fourth owner). It’s located in a working class neighborhood with little traffic and a plethora of kids. Usually the worst things about life here are the air pollution created by burning yard waste and the petty crimes committed by the Middle School Mafia.
But recent months don’t bode well. Continue reading
At the clinic that drew my blood, there was a basket of toy soldiers near the check-in. A sign said to take one and put it a place where seeing it would remind me to pray for the men and women who served us.
I asked the receptionist who came up with that clever idea. She didn’t know but agreed it was lovely.
When your house is small and the skilled tradesmen don’t want to trip over a box, they put it on the partition wall with its end dangling overhead.
Today tremendous progress was made and the Box is gone. Phew!
…the builder of La Casa de Tontería, aka Jerkface MacGuyver, whose greatest work was hiding his laziness and cheapness.
I knew that he didn’t put a subfloor under the bathroom tile. There is a slight step-down from the threshold. However, I had no idea that the whole bathroom had been laid out directly on the floor. That means bathtub splashes, condensation on the toilet, and any leaks went straight to the wood.
Imagine my reaction when I came home Tuesday to this:
The jagged hole was surrounded by brittle, flaking water-damaged wood.
As an added bonus, the tub wasn’t secured to anything. After the demo crew took off the existing tile, they just pulled the tub away from the wall and picked it up. No wonder I keep having to patch cracked grout around the edge of the tub – it was moving!
Happily I saw the damaged wood was thoroughly dry, and when the crew checked the crawl space the next day, they found no wetness under the house. One of them even told me, “Yours is the nicest crawl space I’ve seen – not that crawl spaces are nice.”
The floor was repaired with about $55 worth of plywood, so no great overage on the project estimate. However, I continue to be appalled by the horrible things Mr. MacGuyver did to La Casa de Tontería.
The kitchen backsplash was replaced yesterday, so there’s no gap between the countertop and the tile. Long-time readers may recall that the original backsplash was discolored wallpaper.
Now the tiles will match the counter and cupboards, although I lost my hand painted fruit tiles.
The project wasn’t without glitches. Because there are no bullnose tiles, the tiler attempted to finish the edges near the window with some fancy cutting. It would have looked great if the window were centered and outlets didn’t force him to cut away at odd angles.
Instead, the tile looked uniformly wonderful at both ends and turned into a jigsaw puzzle in the middle. I contacted the business owner and she agreed that running the tiles to the edge will look better. I’ll have to paint the edges when I repaint the windowsill and recess.
The master bath is in progress. The broken tile, chipped sink, and rusty bathtub were eyesores. (Not to mention baths became impossible when the switch to stop up the bath got stuck last year.) So it was an exciting project.
On Tuesday it became even more exciting because La Casa de Tontería (aka The House of Nonsense) was built by the infamous Jerkface MacGuyver.
I’ll keep you posted. (Literally.)