Well, that was fairly productive, but the draft still looks pretty rough as far as transitions go. The worst sections date from when I was listening to a “writing coach” and following the rules of The Hero’s Journey.
The boy-protagonist is itching to answer the Call to Adventure; he’s dead if he doesn’t. The girl-protagonist is refusing the (mandatory) Call to School, erm, Adventure and casting her as boy-protagonist’s “mentor” had her monologuing. (Or traveloguing.)