An Invasion of Arachnids

Last week, I killed three spiders in my bedroom and another yesterday. It is now a bedtime routine: I put on my nightshirt, turn on the TV, and prepare for an hour or so of entertainment. Then a familiar shadow moving on the wall or the doorframe, just enough to draw my attention.

Blammo! with a shoe or a tissue box.

I killed a black marauder (not its name; I don’t know what they are) in the bathroom. It was enjoying a siesta on the paper roll when I reached over… That one ended up going on a flume ride.

A delicate cellar spider died in the shower under mysterious circumstances. (Note: “Mysterious circumstances” connotes “a full-blast faucet and a squeamish bather’s feet.”)

Today I surveyed the garden – the delicata are coming along nicely, but the tomatoes are lazy. Afterwards, I hopped in the car to do some errands. And banded garden spider was hitching a ride on my thigh.

Immediately I jumped out of the car and started doing the Get-Off-of-Me Dance, complete with brushing my pantleg and yelling “Get off me!” (Which is rather silly, because spiders don’t understand English; they speak Italian sotto voce, naturally.) The spider bungee-corded into the grass.

After regaining my composure, I opened the car-door and began sliding behind the wheel…. The unwanted passenger had cleverly moved to the inner side of my pantleg.

Gah!

(Flashback: Biggest Brother mercilessly refusing to kill spiders for me. I thought he was Being Mean. In hindsight, he was like the drill sergeant forcing the new recruits to toughen up and face the enemy head-on. It was For My Own Good.)

I think it’s time for chemical warfare. After all, I can sympathize with spiders craving a bath and a nice place to sleep. But hijacking my car? No.

7 thoughts on “An Invasion of Arachnids

      • I watched that movie when I was little. I had nightmare for years, and am still arachnophobic. My kids scream “spider” and I run away. Let them be my hero!

        • I feel for you because I developed my fear of heights suddenly and can’t seem to shake it.

          As for spiders, I had up-close and personal experience with them. My childhood home is on a lake and the trapdoor to the attic was in my bedroom. So I really checked the area before I climbed into bed yet, unfortunately, I woke more than once with spider bites.

          Honestly, though, some spiders are good. Orb weavers make spectacular webs, eat tons of mosquitos, and shy away from humans. I used to play with zebra jumpers by dangling yarn near them; they will actually jump on and off it.

          All the same, I was happy to see a big toad lurking near the steps yesterday. Go, get ’em! 🙂

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