I was sitting on the end of the sofa, reading the news and enjoying a cup of iced coffee (black, of course). Then I noticed a spider dangling in midair. Did the usual sweep of the hand to break its thread – and it wavered.
When I moved forward to look closer, I realized it had begun a web encompassing the windowsill over my head, the lamp at my side, and the floor. I was in its web.
No, no, no, arañita. This is MY web, and you’re just taking up space rent-free. It’s time to join your enemy – a spider of a different species – that I confronted yesterday. And the squishable one before that. And the cloud of teeny-tiny hatchlings that were clinging to the siding near the kitchen window.
I don’t like this trend of friendly neighborhood spiders moving in. So as of today, every living thing that’s not me is hereby evicted. (Not you, plants. You can stay. Maybe.)